6 years later, and I'm still not sure he's forgiven me! But also because it’s a chance for Pam and Dudley to have lunch with the park’s founder, their long-time friend Joe Henson and his wife, Gill.“I probably just thought, ‘Who is that stunning woman?’ and came over to chat you up!’ Joe booms, teasingly.“Actually, I think it was when you asked me to open some new lambing pens and I demanded a fee of two guinea pigs, which probably infuriated Dudley,” Pam recalls.

They always used to ask, ‘Have you got any grandchildren yet?’ and say things I thought were rather sugary and saccharine. “The lovely thing about it was that one of your daughters lectured my boys on how to look after them properly, which is just the way it should be.”There’s an extra reason for coming to the farm park nowadays; a six-month-old reason, who features in Pam’s latest book of poetry, You Made Me Late Again!“I do now have a beautiful grandchild, Arthur,” she grins. I hate them going off but, if you want beautiful calves running around with their tails stuck up in the air and jumping for the joy of life, then something has to go or you’d just be overcrowded.“If you don’t want to eat meat, then I respect that very much. “It’s really nice to have meat from happy animals. !Writer and poet Pam Ayres is one of the country’s most popular entertainers. It’s like falling in love.’ And I thought, ‘Where’s the exit?’ It didn’t seem like me at all.“But I’ll never forget the day my daughter-in-law came home from hospital and we went over to see the baby. “It was a party over at the end of the runway at RAF Fairford, where Mike d’Abo and his band were playing.

Twenty four of her best-loved funny verses are featured in The Pam Ayres greeting card collection.Writer and poet Pam Ayres is one of the country’s most popular entertainers. (Follow her on Twitter and you’ll see replies from the world over.) So I have been overwhelmed and I can’t see enough of my grandson: he smiles and he beams and is a sunny little boy.”Well, there you go. It’s just the way I’m cut out.”It’s not a sentimental, bunny-hugger (as she puts it) love, though. It’s a lovely invitation and life is short but I will feel like a fish out of water.

For full tour dates, visit • A charity literary lunch, with speaker Pam Ayres, will be held at Ellenborough Park Hotel, Cheltenham on Wednesday, November 6, in aid of Canine Partners and Gloucestershire Animal Welfare Association and Cheltenham Animal Shelter. “After all, if you’re talking about how you wish you’d looked after your teeth, everybody feels the same, no matter where they come from!” • You Made Me Late Again!, the new collection of poems from Pam Ayres, is published by Ebury Press, price £16.99. But, for once, it’s not about one of her own menagerie. Pam Ayres, the poet loved for her deceptively simple style and distinctive Berkshire accent, has immortalised the house she is selling for £2.5million in verse. The Racehorse Fred concerns a four-legged Grand National competitor who’s far from confident of his ability to stay the course. Duration: 53 seconds This clip is from. It’s one of my favourites.”It’s nearly 40 years since Pam Ayres won Opportunity Knocks but her appeal never fades. is full of those trademark pithy observations and wonderful rhymes, says Katie Jarvis. Dubai is full of Chloe handbags: there aren’t many people with cows.”Wherever she goes, observations such as that one always strike a chord. But the next day, I could hardly move.” While Did I Turn Off My Tongs? There are five colonies of bees, too, some rescued battery hens, and 15 guinea fowl. At their house on the outskirts of Cirencester, Pam and Dudley have a smallholding of sheep and cows, which they keep for their meat. For further information, call Deb Barron on 01242 548775, Holly Bryan on 01730 716013 or visit As a result, he’s making his will.“I didn’t like the Grand National very much because I hated to see the horses hurt. “After my performances, I do a book-signing where people come up and have a word. Similar subjects. “I did have 16 but the fox has had one, which was terrible. “That does seem to be taking it a bit far!”Many of the poems in her latest collection feature one of her favourite subjects: animals. And that’s what makes Pam Ayres’s writing so appealing to people everywhere. “People often ask me how audiences differ in Australia or France, but I don’t actually find that much difference,” she says. But while Robert Browning is promising to tarry for his true love and Shelley is declaiming the decline of empires, Pam Ayres is castigated by her irate husband, Dudley, for tarrying in the bathroom (Well done. There's about two years between us.

I saw it in the newspaper in a petri dish and it looked like an enormous amalgamation of little worms.“I think we should all have smaller families: we should all just replace ourselves. But the guinea fowl are wild and they wander around and roost up in the trees so I can’t really protect them.”One of the funniest, most touching poems in this new collection is also animal-based. Radically different approach.“Someone on Twitter said I should be the Poet Molar-eate,” Pam says, as we sip coffee at the Cotswold Farm Park.We’re meeting here because she loves animals, and the photo-opportunities are legion. There was my son, with his darling little baby in the crook of his arm; it was very emotional. Oh, and don’t forget the fund-raising lunch


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